Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
