I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
