The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
