Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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