why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
