Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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