I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
God, I missed his penis.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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