I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
