you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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