This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
