You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
