I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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