Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
