I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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