I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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