who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
