I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We have started to decorate penises.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
