He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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