forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
