somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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