Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
