I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
