we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
