The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
