Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
