I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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