Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My cat gives me a boner
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
