kristin has been a bad kristin
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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