I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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