i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize