I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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