Porn is love you can see.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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