Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
