New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
