I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
