i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
