don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
