I could have mohawked her pubes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
