If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I love having hate sex.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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