sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
