Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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