Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
