just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
