...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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