I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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