3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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