While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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