I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
