I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
