You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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