hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
