Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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