Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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