No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
