The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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