I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
