May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We need a shit load of segways right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
