there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
