He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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