sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
