somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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