I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
